


Abandonment Issues

by crazy4malex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 00:52:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18042323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy4malex/pseuds/crazy4malex
Summary: Michael feels he has no one left after he leaves Iz at the hospital. (1x7)





	Abandonment Issues

Michael pulled out of the parking lot of the hospital where Iz was being held. Now all of it was gone. Alex, Max and now Iz. Sure she was still his sister and loved him, but she couldn't be there for him and he couldn't help her either. Which made him feel helpless. He gripped the wheel and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Suck it up Guerin. You've had so much worse when you were younger." He muttered to himself and to the cab of his truck. He hoped saying it aloud would sink in.

There was the youth center, than the foster homes, then back to the youth center again. Those were tough, knowing he might have a family and then he's waken in the middle of the night and brought back to the youth center again, sometimes without a reason. And other times he begged to the heavens to be sent back to the youth center. Those years were lonely years. Those he felt totally alone. Now at least he still had Isobel who loved him and cared about him. But she needed his help now, and he didn't know how to help her. He hit his good hand on the steering wheel and blinked to clear his eyes from the mist in front of them. What if he couldn't help Iz and she never came back to him? Ah God. He couldn't think that way. Iz would get better. Somehow they'd figure out and she wouldn't be dangerous again, ever. 

When he got back to his trailer, he pulled himself out of his truck and felt as lonely as his trailer looked. It was pitch black out here. Only the stars were out and he could barely make out his beat up home. This was home. It wasn't much but it was his. He went into the trailer and didn't even bother with the lights. He just curled up on the bed and shook. He shook with worry for Iz and he shook with loneliness. What if he never had anyone else care about him again? His teeth chattered he shook so hard. He stayed in the ball and hoped to sleep. Yeah. He didn't think that would happen. But who would care. At least Iz had Noah to care for her, and Max. He seemed to forgive her now that he knew what she was going through. Iz had people who cared. Hopefully between the three of them they'd figure out how to help her. If they couldn't then she would be lost to all of them. To him. He knew he was feeling sorry for himself, but he really didn't have anyone but Iz. He couldn't lose her too.

He was cold but he didn't want to get up to even turn on the heater. He lay there and thought of the last time he'd felt loved. Here in this bed in fact. 

Alex. He and Alex had made such passionate love that night. At first they were not gentle, too much pent up inside of them. They went at it for hours. They were both sore and exhausted when they finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. He had been so excitedly happy when he saw that Alex was still there later that morning. He had woken up to loving hands and mouth on him. He had never known a love like Alex's.  
He never would again. He wouldn't allow it. He would never let himself care for another person as much as he did Alex. It hurt to much. 

He couldn't stop shaking and he was so cold. He begged sleep to come. He needed relief from the pain. 

He saw a flash of light through his trailer window and thought it was lightening until he heard a door slam. Damn. Who could it be at this hour? Max? Did something happen with Iz? He uncurled his body and took a deep breath trying to stop the shaking. He halfway succeeded.

He opened his door and was shocked to see Alex standing there. 

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked hoarsely, but his voice was as shaky as he was. He put his arms around himself in self defense.

"I wanted to come talk. I...I didn't mean what I said at the drive-in. My father...he gets to me every time. This time I knew he was threatening me...us. Again. But I just couldn't. I just couldn't do it anymore. I can't not be with you any longer. The hell with my father the monster. Alex declared, standing there straight and proud, and yet his eyes showed his vulnerability, his fear of rejection. Which he believed he deserved.

"Are you going to sneak out in the night? Are you going to change your mind next time your father sees us together? Is there a together or is this still a shameful secret?" Michael asked in self defense. As much as he needed Alex, wanted Alex, he was not going to go through what he had so far. He couldn't do the roller coaster again.

"I don't care who knows. I've given my father enough years of my life. Now I'm going to live the way I want to, have always wanted to." Alex said on a promise.

Michael shook even harder. He couldn't believe he was hearing what he had wanted for so long. Was he even awake? He couldn't stand any more. He was overwhelmed with emotions and this was the last straw. Alex wanted him. Someone did care enough. He sat on the step to his home and continued to shake.

"Michael?" Alex asked gently. "Are you okay?" he put his hand on Michael's arm and felt his shivering. "You're so cold." He become aware of this when he felt how icy Michael's skin was.

"Here." Alex said taking off his jacket and putting it around Michael. He pulled up one of Michael's patio chair and sat close enough to rub Michael's arms. He saw the shimmer in Michael's eyes and knew Michael was going though a lot right now and maybe he hadn't picked the best time to tell Michael his problems. But he also felt Michael needed him as much as he needed Michael. Only Michael needed him more.

"Michael? Do you want to talk?" Alex whispered gently. When Michael shook his head Alex saw the shimmer again in his eyes. Michael had totally shut down. He needed to let out whatever was bothering him.

"Hey, It's okay to cry. It's me, I won't let you fall." Alex said and leaned forward and took Michael into his arms.

At the feel of loving arms around him Michael started to warm up. All his emotions for the last few days all poured out and he cried, then sobbed in Alex's arms. 

Alex held him and let him cry it all out. All the pain and loneliness, the frustration. He felt it all on his wet shirt. Silent tears filled his eyes as he absorbed some of Michael's.

When Michael couldn't cry any longer, he stayed in Alex's arms, not moving. He was exhausted. 

Alex knew he needed to rest, to get out of the cold now. He stood up and looked down. Michael wouldn't look up. "Come on." Alex held out his hand.

Michael took it as a lifeline and he was pulled to his feet. Alex led Michael into his trailer and over to the bed. He pulled off Michael's clothes and quickly put him under his covers. As he moved back to take off his own clothes, Michael's hand shot out grabbing his. 

"Stay?" Michael pleaded. 

Alex paled. Michael should never have to plead. He took Michael's hand and kissed it. "Of course." he said gently.

Michael looked up to see Alex was just getting undressed. He made room in his bed for the only person who would ever matter that way. He felt the mattress dip and saw Alex remove his prosthesis. Then Alex was under the covers with Michael, keeping him warm in the most basic way. He held Michael, and he was finally relaxed and loved enough to sleep.

 

When Michael next awoke it was morning, he thought he had dreamed the night before until he heard a deep sleepy voice. 

"Good Morning." Alex greeted and Michael opened his eyes to see Alex leaning over him. 

"Morning." Michael replied, his voice also extra deep from sleep. He groaned when he felt and saw Alex run his hand up his body, and putting his head on his chest.

Alex thought of last night. Michael had seemed so alone. So...abandoned. Suddenly he had a thought.

Alex lifted his head from Michael's chest and ran his fingers though Michael's curly chest hair and up to his jaw. "What about Max? Isn't he still there for you?" Alex asked softly. Now continuing his hand up though Michael's hair and wrapped the curls around his fingers, gently gliding them though his hair in a soothing way.

"Max and I...aren't speaking, hell, I don't know if we'll ever speak again." Michael said on a half moan. Loving the gentle attention only Alex had ever given him.

"Really? Why? You guys were like brothers back in high school." Alex asked, stopping what he was doing and looking Michael in the eyes.

"Yeah well, a lot has changed in the past 10 years, as you've said." Michael said bitterly, thinking of how poor his relationship with Max had gotten before this last stunt. 

"Not everything." Alex stated softly, palming Michael's face and turning it back to him. "The way you look at me." he smiled and kissed Michael slowly. Opening his mouth and devouring Michael in a gentle but passionate kiss. "The way...I love you." Alex said and bit Michael's lip.

Michael met Alex's eyes and saw Alex was feeling vulnerable after having admitted it. 

"I have loved you it seems like forever, Alex." Michael admitted.

They both smiled and then became aware of where they were and how close they were unclothed. 

Michael might have been too tired last night to make love to his man, but he wasn't today. Michael flipped them over and had Alex on his back.

Alex looked up at him with hooded eyes and smiled. "After this we'll go to the Crash Down for breakfast." Alex said letting Michael know it wasn't going to be over after they'd made love.

And with a genuine smile, Michael leaned down and made love to his boyfriend, his lover.


End file.
